Recently finished reading the book titled above, written by Meg-John Barker and Justin Hancock. Many things struck me. In particular consent. How in many instances, even in long term relationships, it is assumed, rather than discussed between partners. The concluding chapter, Communication and Consent, goes into detail about what real consent is, giving ideas for discussing this with partners. There is a wonderful analogy of shaking hands and consent. I’m not going to detail that here. I encourage you to either buy the book or get a copy from your local library.
A quote from the book:
“So my therapist said to me, ‘No one gets to dictate what your kink looks like and you don’t have to run around seeking other people’s approval for who you want to be in the scene or in your life.”
The idea, to me, sounds similar to:
“don’t yuck someone else’s yum.”
Some thoughts on the difficulty being bi-sexual, with the bi-phobia, bi-erasure that often leads to greater mental health concerns for bi-sexual people.
I guess the title of this post could be offensive to some. It just happens to be the start of a book title. The full title being “The bi-ble – an anthology of personal narratives and essays about bisexuality“.
One thing becomes apparent through the book. Something known as bi-erasure, where the existence of bi-sexual people is discounted. You are either lesbian, gay or straight. No one is thought to actually be bi-sexual.
The idea of bi-sexuality seems to confuse some people. It is often thought that a person will identify as bi-sexual while on the way to discovering whether they are lesbian or gay. There is a scene depicted in Bohemian Rapsody that unfortunately implies this. I was reluctant to post about the film, until I discovered much of it is not historical accurate. So the conversation between Freddie and Mary may be not be factual. So spoiler alert.
Freddie and Mary had a wonderful relationship. Then, in the film, after Freddie returns from being on tour, they have an awkward conversation. Freddie says he thinks he’s bi-sexual, Mary responds, no Freddie, you’re gay. The idea of being bi-sexual is completely shut down. No disrespect meant to Mary, as then bi-erasure seemed the norm. The strange thing is all these years later attitudes don’t seem to have changed much!
Bi-sexuals are incorrectly seen as promiscious, incapable of commitment, a threat to relationships. Out of all LGBTQ+ people, bi-sexuals have mental health problems most frequently. The Bisexuality Report: Bisexual inclusion in LGBT equality and diversity found bi-sexual people are prone to higher rates of depression, anxiety, self-harm and suicide, all of which are embedded in bi-phobia and bi-erasure.
I’m left wondering what needs to happen for their to be full acceptance of bi-sexuality. Accusations of being greedy, confused and such, seem inappropriate. Of the bi-sexual people I know, I wouldn’t describe any in that way. A case for more acceptance, by all, for all?
Wonderful book, whether you’re LGBTQ+ (perhaps you’re questioning or wondering?) or know someone who is. I’d recommend reading this book 🌈 😇
Are you a young person wondering about your gender and / or sexuality? Read this book 😊
Do you have a child, niece, nephew, grandchild, or other young relative or friend wondering about their gender or sexual? Read this book 😊 and then either give it to whoever you are thinking about or buy them a copy!
I mention young people as that is the main audience Juno is writing for. Though, of course, the information within is relevant for everyone, whether LGBTQ+ or otherwise.
- Welcome to the members club
- The name game
- You can’t mistake our biology
- Stereotypes are poo
- The fear
- Haterz gon’ hate
- Coming out
- Where to meet people like you
- The ins and outs of gay sex
- A guide to recognising your gay saints
- Build a bridge
- The cheat sheet
I’d say all the chapters are relevant and important reading. Though, if you’re a parent, guardian, relative or friend of someone who is gay (or wondering or questioning) “Build a bridge” is vital reading.
When you buy the book, make sure you get the second edition. Has a few important updates.
Recently I finished watching the Netflix series “Sex Education”.
If you haven’t seen the series yet and don’t want any spoilers, best not read any further. Though I don’t really discuss any plot angles. I will say I was surprised to see one story line from 10 Things I Hate About You. Just go and watch it and come back here after 😊. Be aware it’s been given an 18 rating in the UK. Nudity from the opening scene. Strong language throughout. The story revolves around Otis giving sex therapy to various of his school peers, having picked up things from his Mum, who is a qualified and practicing sex therapist.
Made in South Wales, the location for the filming was the University of South Wales’ old Caerleon campus, which was closed in 2016. Despite this and the actors being from the UK, the setting is made to appear as if in a US high school. Bit confusing initially. Doesn’t distract too much.
Is it a comedy? Well, yes and no. There are many scenes that had me laughing out loud. There are many scenes that show the pain of being a teenager – bullying, not being part of the “in crowd”, coming to accept your gender and sexuality, not feeling adequate enough, clever enough, cool enough, affection not being returned by someone you fancy.
There are so many aspects of gender, sex and sexuality portrayed. With sex being biopsychosocial (biology, psychology and social) the series demonstrates this complexity. The following is a list (not in any particular order) of things I noticed that were touched on. Some in more detail than others. If I’ve missed any please comment so I can update here, listed alphabetically, rather than to try another kind of order.
- Condom use
- Complexity of family and friends relationships
- Cross dressing
- Ejaculation difficulty
- Faking orgasm
- Internalised homophobia
- Owning your sexuality and gender
- Sex and relationship therapy
The title of the series being sex education, wouldn’t it be wonderful if sex education in our UK schools covered the subjects listed above in depth. Perhaps then the difficult experiences of many teenagers regarding sex and relationships could be avoided.
Would I recommend watching it? Yes. Not everyone’s cup of tea, but I would recommend it.